cleanse day 4

one of the best and worst days all year. slept in with no reason to feel guilty about it. then off to the toonseum to check out the akira exhibit. amazing! highly recommend checking it out. the toonseum is a neat little place. more of gallery than an actual museum but their gift shop is more of a mini comic book store, which is awesome. i love phantom of the attic but it’s a little overwhelming, the toonseum gift shop is more my speed, and the executive director (who doubles as the greeter and docent) is adorable.

next we walked down through the strip to chicken latino to watch the brazil/ivory coast match. i highly recommend the restaurant for anyone actually eating solid food. peruvian rotisserie chicken looks delicious. it was not a good idea to hang out at a restaurant. but the awful yearning for food that it sparked has made me really question why i’m doing this.

a sense of accomplishment? yes. to be able to say i followed through with one of my goals? yes. but why this goal? what am i really trying to do here?

i began to think that what i really need is a mental cleanse not a physical cleanse. i worry that i’m giving in to the body image demons that have tormented me for so long. thought-demons that very recently i believed i had tamed. but then i realized that all these questions i have are probably part of the mental cleansing i’m looking for. i just gotta stick to my guns, as it were.

i think this coming week will be easier, as i’ll have a lot less free time. work-class-sleep. i’m always saying how time flies, i guess i gotta embrace that and hope this cleanse ends before i know it. it’s so hard, i love food! but i have to focus on the things i really want to do, and start the mental cleanse.

goals for the rest of the cleanse
- no more hulu or fancast
- finish reading in the name of salome
- serious apartment cleaning
- artify the apartment
- write letters

that should keep me busy enough not to think about food for a while.

cleanse day 3

re-upped on supplies. cheated a little with the last of the maple syrup from the first jar. drank it straight from the bottle. suffered stomach cramps about five minutes later.

right now a headache and generally feeling ill-at-ease, but not sure if that is due to the cleanse or life in general. need to figure out school for the fall. think i’m gonna take this time to recommit to the things i love. also gonna stop thinking of my future past december as a massive black hole towards which i am being mercilessly pulled and start thinking of it as a lump clay which must mold. (if i want it to be FABULOUS, that is, and who doesn’t like fabulous things?)

splurged on lavender incense at the store. lighting it now.

cleanse day 2

everything vaguely food-like looks and smells wonderful. had that feeling like i was about to get a headache for a really long time, but never actually got a headache. feel like my breath smells bad, but that may just be a frequent cotton mouth-y feeling.

frequently have to remind myself why i’m doing this…clean body, clean start or something.

cleanse day 1

starting the master cleanse again. last time i only made it 5 or 6 days. aiming for 14 this time.

think i i’m trying to get a handle on my anxieties, hence coming back to the blog.

so here starts the brain dump — 1st summer class is over, expecting an A. next class starts on monday, film directors: steven spielberg, there were animaniacs on the flyer for the class and i will riot if they are not on the syllabus. my lack of credits earned last all have left me without financial aid for this fall, and i’m freaking out about that. work is making me tired, but i’ve talked to enough people who have told me not to try to save the world that i’ve let go of the stress there. not looking forward to the caffeine detox which should hit really hard tomorrow. it’s gonna be a long week.

dreams of greece

greece is, in a manner of speaking, the anarchists dream. they love to protest there. hardcore protests. with fire and blood.

and right now it’s off the hook.

but i get a sinking feeling when i read the news from greece. 3 bank workers dead, so now the bank workers union is on strike. total yay?

i just can’t shake the feeling that everyone’s just playing their roles. the protesters now in greece are pushing the eu towards lock down, it seems. justifying the horrid future of comic books and scifi movies.

eh.

dark corners, dark shadows

sometimes you’re in a corner. maybe you’ve been there so long you’re not sure if you painted yourself in or someone backed you up and left you there. but there you are. hunched over and scared.

so, you make it home. after a while the cramped quarters don’t bother you so much. your eyes get used to the darkness and your mind folds over itself much like your body already has. cocoon-like that corner becomes.

i’ve just realized that in order to get out of my corner, i must first admit that i’m in it.

so here i am. terrified. but it’s time to leave. monsters be damned, send your best, hurt me if you must, but i’ve got things to do.

happy easter suckahs

i had to post this as the park mentioned her story is the one we would always go to on field trips in elementary and middle school.

http://www.filthyrichmond.com/

enjoy.

datil dispatch #3 – the ghost of 19 year olds

i’m leaving them here. climb the mountains and run the plains.
you are not mine, i don’t wish you to keep me company any longer.
i release you.

datil dispatch #2 – the written word

this has been a week without a cell phone for me. as clearly illustrated in the verizon wireless new advertising drive, at&t does not have coverage in this part of new mexico. so, no text messages this week. i’ve been telling myself (and certain others) that i want to cut back on texting for months and months, and finally i’ve done it (or rather the earth has done it for me).

when in the pittsburgh airport before heading west i could not stop myself from impulse shopping. along with a powerbar, a bottle of smartwater, i took a chance on a science magazine, mostly because there were articles about the phsyics of time, which lost has me all in a tizzy over. here are some stats from my new favorite monthly.

- 45 – percentage of words consumed that come from television. the next-biggest contributors are computers (26), radio (11), print media (9), and phone conversations (5).

- 110 billion – number of text messages sent in the u.s. in 2008, up from 2 billion in 2003, the first year for which data are available. in 2008 americans each spent an average of 23 hours texting. according to twitter tracker gigatweet, more than 8 trillion tweets have been posted since 2006.

to me, this is fascinating. i do feel like we as a society are undergoing an amazing transition in language and communication. we are stratifying ourselves.

i started this post months ago, inspired by the accomplishment of transferring my to-read book list from various emails, scraps of paper, and blog comments to my goodreads page. that website has been successfully used some of my closest friends and family to foster discussions about reading and books that i rarely see folks doing face-to-face anymore. these are also some of the most prolific texters i know.

i also wanted to discuss the rise of the electronic book reader devices, the kindle and the___________ (sorry y’all totally blanking on the other name-and have to get on the road soon). one of my cousins thought it would be a good idea for my grandmother to get a kindle for christmas. my grandmother reads at least two books a week. but part of that reading experience is the book’s cover and going to the library to retrieve it (not to mention that library books are free!). all of which gets lost with the kindle.

however i also know folks who love their kindles. they are super easy to travel with, which i can certainly appreciate-i think that half the weight of my bag was from the four books i brought with me. none of which i finished reading.

i’ve realized that i read to relieve stress, so when i’m not stressed out i will quickly become distracted by things other than my book. which has happened on my last couple trips. go figure.

there are issues of class, language, literacy, communication and the power of words that i’m ruminating on. no cohesive thesis yet. but there are other things i need to do and discuss today.

datil dispatch #1 – do mountains shapeshift?

of course they do. waiting until the young, impatient eyes of human beings find another subject to contemplate, a mountain will move with a swiftness gained only through millennia of practicing. the mountain will reach up and pull down the clouds, concealing not only the further movements needed to change the form of such ancient bulk but also the expansive plane left behind when they have decided that they should like to see the would from a different vantage point.

getting a different view is only my conjecture as to WHY a mountain would want to shapeshift. perhaps their joints get a bit creaky and they must stretch their legs (so to speak) every so often. perhaps they have a quite a sense of humor and enjoy perplexing the early morning mountain-watching-while-drinking-coffee crowd.

it must be a capital e Experience to come upon a cloud covered field, when your maps and your heart are telling you that a mountain should be there. how does one proceed? do you stop at the edge and wait patiently? how long do you wait? do you keep on walking knowing at moment the mountain could return? would the mountain just settle back in it’s place, crushing you? or would it politely, but forcefully move you out of its way/home, pushing you miles off course?

well, i’m willing to bet that the magical shapeshifting mountains are the happiest mountains of them all. so i’m gonna take my cues from the mountain itself. grabbing a cloud cloak (which has got to feel fab-u-lous against the skin, right?), stretching my legs, and moving along to see the world through the eyes of an enchanting new figure.